Bleeding Mascara (paincausedscars) wrote,
Bleeding Mascara

I don't even know where to start. I haven't been to school since last wednesday. Its so fucked up. Theres so much going on right now and I don't even know how to deal with it. I have spent most of the last couple of days just crying. See..this is what happened...On sunday, I found out that the cancer that my mom has, is terminal, and their best guess is that she has 6-9 months to live. I don't know what to do. My mom has always been my best friend...We've had a lot of problems, but I've always known that no matter what, I could always go to her. What should I do? My moms a strong person. But theres always the complications from chemo and the fact that she only weighs 75lbs. I don't know what to do. And they are doing a surgery on monday that could help her..but also make the cancer spread more then it already had. so its a win/lose situation. I'm so scared. I don't know what its like to have to live without my mom. I've never had to. My mom has always been my mom and dad. I've never had anyone else but her. My life is just crashing right in front of my eyes, and it feels like its an accident that could have been prevented. But it can't. Maybe if I could go back 30 years and make my mom not start smoking..or maybe if I could have convinced her to quit a long time ago..but the thing is..she's still smoking. But my mom is such a strong person..that I have faith that she's going to be ok..but I'm so confused..I just feel like crying all the time...I don't know. I just need to be around some people right now..cuz I'm always home alone..and it sucks...I just don't know...I'm gonna go...I need to lay down...

I turn to you...
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